Hi guys!!

Oh my I wrote this post ages ago and checked it for over a week and nobody replied so I never bothered coming back!! Thank you guys for your responses I appreciate it. I thought because I'd written so much nobody would respond but I couldn't help myself!! Just to let you know that since I posted on here I have since gone back on antidepressants but a different kind and it has made the BIGGEST effect on my life. I spent four years on and off on citalopram which flattened my mood but did little else. I went to the doc to ask what she advised and mentioned my OCD habits and she didn't have a clue... she said 'I always prescribe citalopram - it has the best results generally' so i picked the nest one on her list randomly which was sertraline and when I read the packet it is supposed to be helpful in OCD. I have more energy than I have ever had, I'm losing my citalopram weight and I can almost say I'm happy! I've not felt like this since I was a child.

As for the OCD the only thing that has changed is my energy levels so I am now able to meet my high expectations. I have one to do application that I have programmed things into and I make sure I do them every day. What used to affect me was writing all these lists and not doing anything so I would write them out agin and agin thinking i've not planned properly - its not working! When the problem all along isnt the lists - it's me not having the energy to do my tasks. So for those of you above who have a similar problem with lists perhaps the same would apply/ theres nothing wrong with your list, there is something wrong with the fact that your not doing them? Perhaps anything that increases energy levels could help - If your not on any medication maybe try meditation or a healthy diet and exercise but I suppose its hard to start something when you're weary. If you are on medication maybe ask your doc about sertraline its really done wonders for me. Someone asked me the other day at work... 'god gemma who's set you on fire!' I was really proud I do like the stopwatch idea though whilst you still have the urges though... as you say you minimise the time wasted repeating the same patterns. But as soon as you start actually doing things the need to write them down wont be as strong.

I am still a weirdo. I cant go to bed til everything is perfect in my house. I got in bed the other night and there was a sock lying on the duvet that I had missed. I threw it towards the sock drawer and told myself sharply that that solitary sock did not matter and I was comfy and warm and would be an idiot to get up and move it. Twenty minutes later after imagining the sock wriggling and 'socking' its way across the floor I got up and put it away! But at the end of the day that is me and I'll hold my hands up I'm a freak

Anyway this post is probably just as long as the first one now and will deter people from reading it again!!

take care of yourselves xxxxx