I love the parts about 'she did the best she could' and about having compassion. That says measures about you, about your growth as a person.....I am so glad your Mom could be honest too; it seems as though her regret and sorrow are genuine.
Over the years I have come to this place in regards to my parents too.....they did the best they could, given the circumstances, their own issues, my brother's issues, etc. I know they feel as though they failed....my dad has had severe health issues the last couple years, heart attack and then a severe manic episode, followed by a equally severe depression....he is also sensitive to most medications they tried and had bad reactions to those and is now cognitively impaired. In the midst of a depression, he couldn't stop despairing over all the things he thought he had done wrong as a father. And to see him now, like a helpless child for whom my mother has to do so much.....well, I feel such an ache of sorrow and compassion for them both, there is little room for anger toward them anymore at all, just a sad sort of love.
I know too that underneath the anger we so often felt the brunt of there was a kind of love. But they didn't know just how to love, or how to not let the anger run away with them....they thought punishing, and punishing harshly, was part of love. Well, understanding those things has at least helped me not be angry with them and feel compassion for them.....now I need to learn how to let go of the anger against myself, the self-hatred, the lack of compassion toward myself before I'm completely free of those wounds....