I really appreciate this advice and there is some great insight in there. He does feel needed by these girls. I just don't want "moving on" to be my first option. I can say that in the past I have been ok with having other girls in my boyfriend's life. I dated a musician for five years, we lived together and have a child together. He went on tour regularly, and I had seen "groupies" pawing after him. I was ok with it. I totally trusted him. I can't seem to remember what it was that made that different other than just gut feelings. I also have complications in my life and come with my own baggage. I have a six year old son from my previous relationship, and have to maintain contact with his father for obvious reasons. The time required for child rearing isn't the problem for me. I guess my point is that I can be ok with some compromises and let some things slide. Sometimes I do feel fine with all of it and feel confident in our relationship and his feelings for me that it doesn't bother me. Then sometime, I put all these points together as I did in this post and I get totally neurotic and ruminate on it. He is a really great person and I know he would do nearly anything I asked to help me feel more secure. I just need to know what the right things to ask are. Would having him talk to them with me listening help? Or asking if I can talk to or meet them? Is it ok for me to refuse to keep quiet? Is it totally selfish and awful for me to demand he tell his ex about me even if it will send her into a deep dark depression? Should I snoop or spy? Am I just being insecure and should just give it time to work out?