((((((Bethy)))))))
You are going through a really tough time. I'm sorry to hear that.
I hope you find the stregnth not to SI.
I hope something inside of you clicks and you will know, without any doubts, that everything is going to be okay.
If you force yourself to step outside, not even to go anywhere-just to take a walk, I think the sun shining on your face would perk you up a little. It always does for me.
I hope you feel better real soon. You can so handle this upcoming appt., Bethy. Try to think positive. It probably won't be 1/4 as bad as you're imagining.
Please, stay safe.