I think when we're not centered, not connected to all parts of ourself, we feel shame when one part says X and another part says, "No, Y!". You decided not to email T and then you emailed T. You need to forgive yourself for wanting/needing/doing/emailing T and breaking your word to yourself. It's all you and you're allowed to think/feel whatever you think/feel. When you decided not to email this week, you did not break your promise! The conditions changed! You did not email until the conditions changed. Sorry, you can't predict the future and what's going to happen and how you'll feel about it then; the rest of us can

I suspect that somewhere, someone important to you held something against you and you learned that pattern. One thing that helps me grow is to understand that a lot of my emotional difficulties are just learned patterns and, over time, I can learn new ones. I imagine myself in a school and know that I was better at English and History than Math or Science, say. So, learning one type of lesson was easier and quicker than another but, eventually I learned all I wanted/needed to?

Too, another problem I would have from reading your post is the part about "why do I feel like a titty baby" as if feeling that way is bad/wrong/shameful. Thinking that how I actually feel is a "wrong" feeling (as if it were possible to have a wrong feeling; feelings just are, they're not connected to right/wrong/good/bad, they're information, not judgments of our character!) just compounds the original problem of beating yourself up in the first place.

I would start with accepting your feelings, not interpreting them. It seems you go off the track after the, "things just got to be too much for me." Just stop there, don't put a judgment on it, that's how it was. Things were too much for you. That doesn't make you weak/strong, just human. Sometimes things get to be too much for everyone. No one can do it on their own, not you, not T, not whatever adult told you you were weak/a titty little baby for feeling the way you feel.