Hi ((((((sycorax))))) I can relate. I also have many fears about losing my loved ones. I did lose my Dad 3 years ago and that made my fears worse. Since his death I have become very preoccupied with health issues, including my own mortality. But, as you say here, I also worry about accidents and such.

With me personally, it's not that I feel I deserve to be punished, it's more just a realization that life is very fragile and that terrible things really do happen to people all the time. Of course, many good things happen to people too, but because I'm naturally anxious, my fearful mind tends to dwell on the negative and I often take these thoughts to an extreme. I also find that I worry much more when I'm run down or overtired. So it's important to try and take care of yourself physically too.

Given that life is so uncertain, I think all we can really do is try and appreciate what we've got while we've got it. I know this is way easier said than done, but if you think about it, by worrying about what might happen this afternoon, or tomorrow, or next week, we're taking our energy away from our enjoyment and appreciation of the present moment and spending that time fully focused on our loved ones.

As I said, I know this is way easier said than done, but I hope you can find more ways to enjoy the time you have with your loved ones right now.

I also agree that seeing a therapist and learning ways to approach our fears and our fearful thinking differently can be very helpful. Particularly since you have recognized that your belief that you deserve to be punished is at the root of your fears.

Hugs to you (((((((sycorax)))))))))