It sounds like you are having two issues: one is that you are so dissociated, and another is that therapy via EMDR stalled out. Both are frustrating.

I think the suggestion of jotting notes after a session is excellent. Doing so is the only way I have any idea what goes on each week. When my dissociation was at its worst, I had to jot notes *in*session, because waiting until I got to my car was enough time for it all to disappear. Perhaps raising this with your T might yield some helpful strategies, too. For example, when I am dissociating a lot I ask my T to review his notes with me at the beginning of each session. This helps me feel connected and on track from the very start.

I get the EMDR frustration, too. I was doing exposure therapy with my T and he stopped it because he said it was hurting more than helping. I felt like such a failure. We've found other ways to do trauma processing in more manageable chunks.

Things can be stalled, but they can also get unstuck. Have faith in the process and talk about this with your T. Maybe examining this stuckness is exactly what you need to happen to move foward?