I'm actually leaning on T more now than at any other time in my recovery. I mean, really dependent on her, needing her to answer her phone, needing her to tell me what to do. She has been a light in the dark for me before, but not like this. I feel her walking through this difficult transition with me. I cannot imagine how I would be doing this alone. I am actually sure I could not do it alone. I would have destructed last night if I hadn't had T to be a voice of calm and reason and compassion.

I'm worried about burning her out. I'm afraid she is going to get sick of me, is already sick of me. I'm trying to not call her unless I really, really NEED to, because right now if I truly called every time I need to or want to, I would be calling all day and all night. It's enough, too much, probably, as it is.

oh, well. As I was writing that, T called me. Just to make sure I'm okay.