Okay, it's been a while since I've gone to the doctors about any of this (almost two years), and while I thought I was getting better, I've realised lately that I'm actually not, so I've got to do something about it, with treatment of some sort. Therapy, counselling, medication...*something*.

I'm scared stiff but I know I have to do it. I want whatever it is and my depression diagnosed and some idea of what I'm going to do, because I can't keep going on like this. It's gotten to the point where I see three roads - the road that leads to the big, rocky cliffs, the road that I'm on now, where I carry on as I am, ruining myself and every relationship or any chance of a relationship with my family/friends/potential boyfriend, and the road to recovery, where I go to the doctors and I get on with my life.

The cliffs...it's like they're big and rocky and so, so scary but the water's so...calm and serene. And it pains me to think that, that I'm thinking going over these imaginary cliffs and bringing everything to an end will make things alright. It shouldn't have gotten this far, to the point where I'm actually thinking it.

I'm sorry, I know I make no sense.

I have to get treated. I have to get this thing sorted out.

I've no idea how though. Do I just...*go* to the doctors?