The last couple of days have been a challenge and it seems so over the top. To the average person it may not seem like a big deal but with emotional ups and downs I am very aware of what different things do to my emotions. I have had an appointment to get my car fixed for about a week now but leading up to it was an emotional roller coaster. Now mind you I was a stay at home mom for many years plus raised my step grandson and in the last 3 years have gotten a divorce, lost the right to even see my grandson and have had no luck reconnecting with my own daughter then recently my mom died without any warning. It's a very long story about my daughter but we'll go into that later. It's been very emotional as you can tell.

Anyway, yesterday it started when I spent some time around someone thats personality is hard to shake off after. I think you might know the type ( not to be judgmental at all) very loud, constant laughter, can't get a word in, and mind you I'm taking care of a sick, elderly woman that's bedridden. After being around this type of personality for me I feel like a jackhammer was next to me and i'm still rattling from it, if you know what I mean. After I came home I was wound up so I decided to work out to get out some emotions. That usually works quite well for me. So, last night I was watching TV then went to bed and woke myself up screaming at the top of my lungs b/c the car I was driving went over a small cliff. I have these dreams to warn me of my drop off point, which tells me to take careful steps before I have an episode. I'm very aware of my emotions. Sometimes too aware. But when I woke up my face and sinuses were very swollen, which i found strange. I didn't think to take a benadryl which always helps me when i can't sleep on top of everything else. Well, then today I spent a couple hours getting my car fixed which cost me some of the money I have had put away. It makes me nervous to touch this money because I put it there in case something should happen to my car I will have it to get a new one, or used one...whatever I need. It's not a lot of money but having to dip into it has caused some anxiety and it's hard for me to let it go. I obsess over it for a couple days, then I'm able to make some sense of it after that. I'm doing some deep breathing exercises which seem to help and have since take a half of a benadryl for anxiety. Drinking plenty of water, coming here and getting busy doing something are very good ways for me get back to where I need to be. So, I have decided to be more proactive even if I don't feel like it. I am working on some affirmations and also working in my bipolar workbook to help ease some symptoms. Keeping my mind busy helps to distract it until I can get more control.

thank you for listening to me today
that's part of my recovery
talk about things and not bottle them up inside