EJ...

Thank you...I like your metaphor...

Transformations are good...I just didn't expect all of this all at once...Being physically ill was a lot and it transformed me - I was more appreciative, and felt I could share that with others....

This is so hard, and it's different.....
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I feel awake today, which is good...

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Before I flipped out, I wanted to use this experience and bring it into my coursework to help others with mental health issues cope with abuse and PTSD...

I was just beginning to gear up to teach and really enjoyed presenting and wanted to design a seminar or soemthing like it...Those were my plans a year ago, before I lost it.

I wrote a 30 page paper on PTSD before this. I loved my career path. I read the words, I knew the drugs, I knew the therapies, it was something I was profoundly interested in...

I know I will be ok. I just don't know when.

The irony is sickening...and a little strange...this was what I wanted to do. I lived in my department. Those professors were my family, my mentors, and my future.

I think I feel like I have lost them all...