This is something that came to mind when I started to feel anxious when reading about psychoanalysis. I was reading about how analysis works by making memories and feelings more available. I also thought of something my therapist said in session last week that made me feel very panicky immediately, even though she was talking in general about my mother's behavior being unpredictable (not about a specific event in my history).

The panic is real. It's an honest reaction that I can't make up or avoid. It just is.
What happened when I was reading and the panic came? I wanted to stop reading.
What happened when my therapist touched on something that took my mind to a memory briefly? I quickly moved on and away from the subject by agreeing with what she said and taking it no further, and I didn't tell her about the memory or the panic.

In my therapy, I am frustrated at how I avoid the very thing I want: to explore and do depth work.

So, I am thinking about panic and anxiety as being defenses, rather that just symptoms or reactions. The panic makes me feel like I have to "do" something: get up and move, eat, go out for a drive, change activities, move across the country, clam up in therapy.

I wonder if I can learn to 'sit' with my anxiety/panic the next time and see what my mind is wanting to run from.

This may be one of the most helpful things to come my way!
The Serendipity of therapy