ShanderPaul, boy, does you post sound familiar. hon, please try to remember that this period you are going through is oing to peak and recede over a period of time. For me, it peaked over aabout 24 hours, wherein if I could hold out from hurting myself inside of those 24 hours, the need to hurt myself in the way you mentioned died slowly off and my life began to emerge again. I know my cases is probably a little different than your because I am Bipolar as opposed to unipolar, but I have heard people with major depression say that it works pretty much the same way with them, too. However long it takes, you can hold out longer that Mr. Depression. Life will change for you, and you can do something about it. He is not someone who will help you see all the times that you have been able to help yourself in the past, becasue he rather likes the idea of you having the idea that you can't get away from him.

Do you have a Therapist? Do you have someone like a teacher, a counsellor or a pastor that you can talk to? I know you probably don't want to burden anyone, but in reality I think you will find that people will be glad to help you if they knew how badly you feel right now. Try to find a person who would be trained in how to deal with depression. These folks can either help you get in touch with a psychiatrist for medication and/or help you with talk therapy to help you manage these overwhelming feelings. You don't have to live like this, and there are other ways of getting away from them than killing yourself, better, less final ways. Some day, the darkness will start to lift, and you will need some help to be there when it does. Please, strat looking for help and keep posting, OK? I for one want to know how it goes for you! HUGGGGGGSSSSSSSSS.