Hi,
It seems that you are a good mother and your daughter a good kid. Keep on trying to find out what is going on and what you can do to make things better. I feel that society wants that cookie cutter kid that sits quietly in class, does what they are told and is well behaved but that is not realistic.
Your child may or not have ADHD but she surely needs some extra attention at school. Does the school she is attending now have a program such as IEP? I am not sure what the acronym stands for but it helps children that may have learning disabilities or disorders such as ADHD. My child has been under IEP since she was 6 years old and it has helped tremendously. They allow children to take tests in a separate rooms, give them a para professional and things such as that.
I don't know if this helps you at all but I am hoping and praying that things will be better for both of you.
Jackie


]Hi there just wanted some advice really about my DD and what i should do now if anything

here is her history: she is 8

we first had concerns about her behavior when she was in reception, aged 4, nearly 5. The teachers told us she would get easily frustrated and hit/smack/pull hair if another child wanted a toy she had or she wanted it. They also noticed that she would fidget, be silly, was described at one point as being the class clown because she would feed off the other kids reactions when she was silly. She would also refuse to do school work and during her first parent meeting we were told they were unable to assess because of her behaviour and refusal to do any school work. She would also throw a wobbly at home when asked to read a book for homework too.
at home she would always hit/punch/kick her brother and boss him about and get cross if he didnt play a game her way. She usually hit him with a toy or something she could find rather than her fist.

We had big problems with the school as they seemed to be more interested in what our home life was than our daughter. We did smack back then and I told the behavior specialist in confidence and did go on 2 parenting courses.
In y1 aged 6 our daughter carried on disrupting the class and hitting kids in the playground, i only have a vague outline of this as the school failed to tell us anything about her schooling till 6 months into y1 and there excuse was because we hit her they were afraid we would tell her off and continue to hit her. we only smacked our child through her clothes and never left a mark.
Anyway, we were hauled in the office, threatened that if we smacked her again they would call social services and that if she carried on with her behavior they didn't want her at that school so I took her out and found another school place the same week.
At the new school they treated us and her differently but I found out on the first day that the other school had reported us to social services anyway as she was at risk because we took her out regardless that she had another school place. The new school was really supportive and dealt with our daughter in the classroom rather than marching to her to head's office all the time as they did in the last school. But our daughter continued to be silly in class and hit a few children too.
When the man from social services came round he took one look at her running about and said she was hyperactive and he referred her to a childrens centre. But during the rest of her time in y1 she calmed down a bit and we thought she was doing ok so declined the referral.

In y2 aged 7 our daughter was in a different class with a man teacher who was quite strict but even he kept telling us she would not sit still on the carpet, she would be silly, disrupt the other children and he sometimes had to sit on her table to keep her focused. She would also be aggressive in the playground and hit younger children if they were annoying her.
We since moved house and area and she moved schools again and the same thing iwas occurring as in the second school, they are supportive but again she has a strict teacher who still finds our daughter difficult to handle.

(we do have a 6 year old son, and he changed schools with our daughter this year too but he adjusted brilliantly and although it took him a week or too to make friends he is happy and settled now)
where as our daughter made friends straight away as she is very outgoing and lively but she finds it hard to keep them. she would chase the boys in the playground and after being told off will continue to annoy.

she doesn't always listen to what we say, especially if she has had a fight with her brother and he has thrown the last punch, she has to seek revenge she cant walk away until she has hit him back.
:at year in year 2 at the school she is in now she sometimes did her homework but we learnt not to push her because she would get angry and throw things, run out of the house, sit in the road. she also didn't think much of herself, she would say she is rubbish, useless and sometimes says she should die. we had a real roller-coaster of a ride the last 3 years, we have seen our daughter pull her hair out in clumps, hit herself on the head, grab a knife, it has been scary, upsetting and stressful to say the least.

from september she went into year 3 and her new teacher seems more understanding and patient and her behavior has calmed down both at home and at school, i believe the way she is treated at school whether it is positive or negative effects her behavior at home (not sure if anyone else has had that experience). I was told on another forum that children with adhd can go through honeymoon periods where they are calm and pretty well behaved and this can last weeks to a whole school year.

my DD doesn't like school work, she gets bored and has to be encouraged to do her homework or will do it but rush it and not take any pride in it and doesn't care if it's a mess, she is really good at spelling but misses out words or adds words when reading and doesn't really like to read, she is ok in maths but forgets her times tables, and finds maths hard sometimes. She is very outgoing and talks to everyone, she plays in psychical games loudly and gets annoyed when others don't play her way, she is bossy, obsessed with touching our cat lol, hits her brother, gets angry, tells me she looses concentration in class and has to ask her friends what she is supposed to be doing, has messy writing, doesn't think much of herself, has low self esteem, is silly and shows off when we did a mother daughter parenting course, runs around shops, short fuse.

But after months of trying to get help, she was assessed by a specialist 4 months ago and we filled in questionnaires, the learning mentor at the school said she thought my DD had ADHD, but today we went back for the results and was told the school have said they think she is fine and the specialist has said the same!

he said today she is fine,looks like it's just a problem at home, i can do no more, that's it. but if that was the case how come she has a file a mile long with incidents going back from her first school, through her second to her third?

would have been nice to have had an explanation about why she was like this, it could be that she was immature and i know she is not academic, so perhaps it has taken her so long to accept having to do school work but to be told nope she's fine goodbye with no answer is frustrating

what do you think, should we just be pleased we have been told she is ok and forget all that has happened in the last 3 or more years just because she is doing well this year, but what if September comes and her new teacher isn't so accommodating and she starts misbehaving should we just shrug it off as we have been told she is fine.

any advice or comments please?[/QUOTE]