Hi all, this is going to be a long backstory--in short I've been diagnosed with bipolar type II, and think I may have an anxiety or panic disorder and not bipolar.
Backstory: I was diagnosed about a year ago, in my last year of university, with bipolar type II, after having what seemed to be a manic episodes that lasted around a month. I was put on abilify, which did nothing, and then lamictal (about 6mos. now) which has been ok, but not sure it is really making a difference. For the past month or so my pretty major anxiety has been getting worse--something that the two psychiatrists i've seen have done little about--until finally my current one put on klonopin daily. the anxiety has improved somewhat--i feel way better starting the klonopin that I ever did with abilify or lamictal (still on the lamictal, 200mg). when I was had my suspected manic episode, i had just finished the most difficult class, basically a grad school level lab class. during that class I was so stressed out and nervous I was puking before almost every class and nearly had a panic attack during the final exam. it was the holiday season, my best friend and mom basically played matchmaker and set me up on a date, I started sort of dating the guy for about two weeks, he broke up with me because he still lives in my hometown and I live in the city of my university (about 5 hours away). that was a little upsetting. I had been drinking increasing amounts with my friends from my lab class, and was basically consuming a bottle of vodka every week (in addition to the drinks my friends bought me...which was a lot). this is coming from somebody who typically drinks one, maybe two glasses of wine/beer/sake with dinner or in the evening. what followed was increasing partying with friends. a bit more impulsive spending but too much. basically normal things a early 20's person does when rebelling...just out of the ordinary for me. i thought something was wrong when i started basically trying to seduce one my male friends when I was extremely drunk. my close relative, just got diagnosed with bipolar I, was working on her phd at the time and suggested I tag along with some of her research in europe (she's spent a few years in europe in the past). I went along with the plan and got very excited, and she was manic at the time so naturally it did not pan out. so, that is what happened during the manic episode. obviously, I was not hospitalized, harmed myself, didn't spend too much money (ok, maybe a total of $75), some hypersexuality but that could be chalked up to age, drinking and such. I've been discussing it with my therapist and there isn't really anything in my past that looks like a hypomanic episode other that one incident.
now on the other hand, I've had pretty terrible anxiety and phobias since childhood. I had a perfectionist and emotional abusive father that my mother divorced when I was 10 and he remarried when I was 13/14 and I never heard from him again. I definitely have a lot of issues related to that, which my psych and therapist haven't really gotten into discussing much, despite me mentioning bits. they're focusing on what's happened in the past year. I was also bullied to severe degree from middle to high school, for many reasons. I've had some depression-like feelings in high school and when I was adjusting to university life, but never self-harmed, suicidal thoughts, etc.

After listening to what my relative, who without a doubt is bipolar, I feel like I probably am not bipolar, at least not I or II. I've been question the diagnosis a bit all along, but keep being told that's just part of bipolar. yes, i had a great deal of moodiness as a teen, but was also going through hell with classmates, family, health issues and anxiety/phobias. I'm by nature a creative, outgoing person, but not uncontrollably so. I feel like the more depressed time just look like stark contrast because my "normal" is naturally bright.

reading so many of the discussions here, I can certainly empathize, but don't feel like my experiences reflect bipolar. I've never had the intense sensory experiences, or been suicidal. I have stopped being friends with much of my old social circle because they were essentially toxic and encouraging the drinking, partying and in general being emotionally unhealthy. what do you all think?
regardless I'm going to give my psychiatrist a call and see about setting an appointment very soon--because I feel like my concern that I'm not bipolar and have some anxiety/phobia type problem needs to be properly addressed instead of being brushed aside as another symptom of bipolar.

If you've taken the time to read all this, thank you so much.