Clouds, I can relate to your situation. I've never been married, feel I'm too old, and have a lot of shame about being single all my life. I always wanted a good man in my life. I have no family either. One brother, adopted before I was born, lives a few hours away, but never wants to see me. He calls once in a while, often sounding high. My parents are deceased. Other relatives aren't interested in contact. I haven't worked in 6 years. I'm on disability. It's terribly hard. I'm responsible for my tiny house, my big dog, and everything is on my shoulders to deal with alone, with no money. I really understand the pain. The life circumstances make the mood disorders worse. I go to occasional adult children meetings, though there's been no alcohol in my family. I go for the contact and support. I do have a few friends, but they're not that available, and I hate burdening them with my problems. Not having enough support and social contact drives me crazy. Guess I'm not much help here.