Hi everyone

As I posted before, I am having a bit of a problem with my insurance. Well, its not really a problem...more like a roadblock. They are only approving 24 sessions for the whole year, which started in October and I've already used up about 15. I was planning on starting twice a week but this really put a wrench in my plans. I finally admitted I was ready to start really working and dealing with things and asked for help. After discovering this insurance crap last week and talking to T about it, I totally shut down and put my wall up again.

So, today I saw T he said they tried to call but didn't get ahold of anyone at the insurance company but he would keep trying very hard this week. We really talked about what we both thought I should do. I asked him of his opinion...what he thought about the insurace, if he thought I should come twice a week or stop completely. His response was "Um no, I think this is a God awful time for you to stop therapy". He thinks I am just reaching my core issues...my dependency on others, how I never could ask for what I wanted becasue everyone else was more important, how I afraid to ask for what I wanted or needed becasue of the fear of rejection, not having the chance to ask for what I wanted because I was taking care of my parents, and worrying that my needs are too overwhelming for others (including T). We pretty much went back and forth with what I wanted, which I couldn't say, and what he thinks is reasonable for what is available right now. He said he is T that wants to make sure there are resources available, he doesn't want to see me twice a week irresponsibly and then stick me with a big bill when my insurance runs out. I kept going in and out of this weird "I'm-not-really-here-and-I'm-not-hearing-this" state and he kept asking me where I went...I had no idea. Eventually, I said that I wanted to come twice a week, but I didn't want my problems to be expensive...to which he giggled at and said "oh you don't want to be a diva?"..haha. He said that if we do twice a week, we need to do it conciously and with our eyes open. We need to have a conversation about what we both think are realistic expectations for twice a week and what my fantasies are about going more. At the end, he asked me what I wanted to do and I said I still didn't know...so he laughed a little again and said "I want you to ask for it". I told him I wanted to go twice a week and he said "ok then".

So, I'm going to try it for a while and see how it goes. We will talk about payment when it comes to that..but for now, I'm covered. It was such a good session, he really got it and was really gentle about the whole thing. I felt really connected to him and felt like he really cares and wants whats best for me. There aren't many times I feel like that so I'm trying to hold on to it for as long as possible