well 1st of all congrats on staying sober for a month! that's awesome! but as you've figured out, one goes and the other comes. it's going to stay like this unless you find a third thing to switch them up with... some other really good coping mechanism.... not just things to distract yourself w/, but something you can do to deal w/ the pain.. or trying to get away from it... do you do any sports? it might let out some anger/frustration.... do you have a good support system? I'm sorry I don't know more about your situation... I'm thinking though, someone helped you get clean, right? is this person still around? it's clearly also about maintaining staying off of drugs once you're sober, so there must be some kind of "after" care thingy??? I know it's hard to cope.... to try to find that escape. at least you know why're you're doing it. I find that this happens w/ si & my ed... if one becomes less, the other emerges to "make up"... I guess it all comes down to all of these being ways to cope, desperately, but none of them are healthy.... how do people cope without resorting to these things? I guess that's the key. do you have a T you can talk to?