Hi, I've found kids love honesty and respect and being included in the process. Give them a context, like, run down how we learn how to behave from our parents/family first. How our families show us how to deal with things that come up in life. If our family give us poor trainig/role models, we have to "get over it" later in life.

Breaking patterns/habits is really hard. Ask for their help in turning it around to the next level. Peel another layer off the onion together. Issues can be a place of coming together rather than pushing apart. Kids care and want to help, be included in stuff, know what's going on around them.

There's a little book called "The Four Agreements" that might be useful in framing discussions:
1. Keep your word. 2. Don't take things personally. 3. Check your assumptions. 4. Do your best.

I wish you and your kids great growth together.