I wasn't sure where my last resort would end up, I guess on-line isn't as bad as it could be, but it seems so pathetic.
My names Desirae, I'm 19. I'm married with two children under the age of two. I'm incredibily ashamed of my sadness. I should be a happy mother, my babies are beautiful, and I'm taking thier baby days for granted.
I do not work, my husband and I agreed that it would be best if I stayed home to nurse my younger baby. At first the idea was great, I loved being a mother, but I stay in my house for months at a time. I will not see the outside or civilization for months. I feel like I'm in a prison. I am in a prison, imprisoned in my on sympathy, because nobody else cares.
My husband is cruel to me. He's an alcoholic/workaholic, and all he cares about is his job. I love him very much and I could easily tolerate that, but he's cold and hard. He has no emotions.
I gave birth to my second child, and three weeks later I witnessed my grandmother, the woman who has cared for me my entire life, pass away from pancreatic cancer.
That night I was terrified to be alone. I needed somebody, anybody. But my husband, gave me a kiss, said he was sorry, and whisked off to work leaving me with a newborn, and 13 month old. I didn't sleep the entire night, I was afraid I'd see my grandmother in my sleep.
My mother lives near by but shes a crack cocaine addict. Yesterday, she stole my babies Christmas gifts. I feel like I've been stabbed in the gut. my babies did nothing to her! I can not believe my own mother could do this to me, to them. I feel nothing but pure hate for her, I no longer consider her my mother.
I forgave her for abondening her dieing mother in the hospital, and taking her credit card on a crack spree. I forgave her for abondening me when I was 13 years old, then over and over again. But she took advantage of my generoistity, and now I'm pissed. I take it all back. She is no longer my mother, a human, or worthy to me. She will never see me or my children ever again.
If there's anybody who can say anything, I will listen. This is my last resort, if I can't find a person to talk to, then I'll remain alone, and remian unhappy in my pathetic world. I'm so mad yet in rage, what should I do?