sorry you are feeling so much pain.i dont really have a bunch of answers for you it is a hard place to be in i hope you are sharing these feelings with your T.i know it is hard but hang in thare.keep posting here

I'm in a similar place in therapy. Lots of pain. Try to stay with it, but you can always slow down or take a break if you need to. You are in control of this process, remember that. Hugs.

Are you literally carving words into yourself? If so, then I would strongly strongly encourage you to go to the emergency room and call your therapist.

If nothing else, going to the ER will interrupt this pain cycle and help you to stop hurting yourself in this way.

I understand the agony, really I do. 100%. But please, get help for yourself and your body. You deserve to NOT do this.

reading your post brought memories for me....during he firsr 1 or 2 yrs I would burn myself with a heated blade...wanting T to SEE my pain...she was seeing it but the process of ecovery is so slow that she had to bear it too knowing that until I was able to tolerate my feelings more then I would continue coping the best way I could...it was an awful time...but now though its still hard at imes...I no longer burn myself...it sounds silly now but I cant do it because it would hurt and it wouldn't fix anything...but thats a big difference saying hat because when I was in that awful place, it was the hurting I wanted and at hat time it did seem as if it was fixing something...I guess its like moving up theough grade sch...as I look back now I see I've outgrown the earlier methods and moved on to being able to stand the pain in a better way...and be able to sit and talk about it...those things were out of my reach at first...i'm sorry your hurting but ake it from me...it does get better...

Yes, if it's this severe, this serious, and this hard to get it under control, please seek help! You don't deserve to be hurting yourself like that, not at all.
I understand the pain and agony very well, too. I won't say what I was doing to myself but suddenly it just seemed so real that it did me no good to add to my emotional pain by physical means......my emotional/mental pain was powerful and real by itself. There were enough marks on my mind/heart....I wanted no more on my body. I realized that even though the pain was very strong, I could be stronger, and be in control. The pain won't always be so strong, it really won't!

I also understand this and the only thing that helped me was telling my T exactly what I was doing and why. Just make sure you open up and get help...and I hope it gets a little easier soon

Hi Roseleigh,

Have you talked with your T about your self-injury? Does s/he know about your self-injury and how severe it is right now? I know it can be very difficult to discuss these topics, but it is really important. It may be necessary to change the pace of your therapy. Sometimes slowing down the intensity of therapy can really help, or changing topics for awhile and working on a different goal entirely - how to develop better coping tools for feelings and create some alternatives for when you feel like hurting yourself. I used to self-injure (over 6 years ago), and for me, I realized that I just had to make the commitment to stop, that it was sort of like an addiction. I had to get rid of anything I might use to hurt myself, and distract myself any time I might think of hurting myself with a safer activity - maybe going for a walk, watching a movie, doing crafts (I like to crochet), talking to a friend, even coloring. Sometimes if I'm really upset I will rip paper; for me that can help me get rid of upset feelings. Writing or journaling also helps. Different things work for different people in terms of what helps them cope. I hope you can talk with your counselor about these things and your struggles right now. There are ways to change. It's not easy, I know, and still it can be done. I am sending caring wishes your way.

Thinking of you,
ErinBear