I'm sorry, Thine.
You know, there are many reasons to SI, but simply by not doing SI allows for more happiness. It's tough, and you might hate not doing SI (I can understand how that feels), but when you see the light at the end of the tunnel again, you'll be glad you didn't cut.

Awh, you won't drown in yourself. That's not possible! :P But seriously, I know you're strength will keep you up and running. You can do this, friend!