For me, it took FOREVER to realize this. The other person is just another flawed individual, like me. My need for validation, love and nurturing is so great and I saw this other person as the answer to all that. I placed them on a pedestal, because I needed them to be all that I am lacking. What's more, I thought that individual was the only one who was like that & miracle of miracles, I had found them! I must do whatever I had to do to keep them, no matter how extreme.

Then, when things started falling apart, my world was ending. All hope was gone.

I am not saying this is what is going on with you. This was just my experience. It literally took me decades to realize that the other person was just a person & couldn't "fix" me somehow. Honestly, I still struggle with it sometimes.

I know it seems like an obvious fact, but it wasn't to me. I wonder if other BPDers have/had the same struggle?