Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiggle328
I don't feel that I am adequately fulfilling a nurturing role at home. I am so stressed out by the enormous amount of work it takes to care for a quadriplegic spouse, that I constantly feel that I fall short of the mark. It doesn't help that I don't want to be in this role. That may sound harsh to some of you, but if you haven't been thrown into something like this, you don't know how you will react.
Yes, some of you may judge me and think I am horrible for admitting that I do not want to do this for the rest of my life. This job is hard for me. No matter how much you love someone, this is not an easy way to live. Your spouse's very life and existence depends on your ability to care for him and to do it right.
Thus, my thoughts that there are two sides to me. A professional one, and one that feels like I can't do anything right and I am a failure.
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Squiggle -
i have enormous respect for you. i am also in a caregiver role for my partner but nowhere near as demanding physically and emotionally as the one you have. (or not yet...)
it is true that caregivers like us can think things and say things that others, not in such a position, cant quite understand. i completely understand your post and your feelings.
i, too, wrestle with thoughts of inadequacy of care for my partner. the illness has hit me sideways and there have been some other things going on in my life and so now im depressed and anxious and having some difficulty doing things that previously I could do like clockwork.
i feel, then, that my personal issues (as i see the depression etc.) are negatively affecting my partner because i cant or im not (in my mind) doing as good a job as i could be.
but once i hit my work, i am this different professional person who dare not let others see the real me. its a different life in a way, i do not socialize etc. with work folks. but recently i am having difficulties there too - with being able to manage.
just wanted to say that i completely understand your points. we didnt choose this life at all.
and dont forget to make some time for yourself.