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Things have been 1000% better. It actually started when he learned exactly what the problem is and that there is an end in sight. He’s willing to live with the pain he knows, but the new added pain sent him over the edge.
The last few days have been absolute heaven. He’s been sweet, affectionate, silly and a joy to be around. He took the boys shopping a couple days ago and they all had a ball. I am so relieved! Not only because his mood has improved but a huge weight has been lifted off of me. He was so despondent that I was worried more about his mental state than his physical one.
Each day I see him returning and I can’t tell you what a relief it is. We’ve talked a lot about everything and I think he’s truly willing to accept that he has limitations. On the way down to the doctor we had a real heart to heart talk. He asked what it would take to get me to agree to the surgery. I said there wasn’t really any point because he’d be right back in the same situation in a few months.
His father had a heart attack 25 years ago. The Cardiologist came in and told FIL the changes he’d have to make in his life: diet, exercise, quit drinking and smoking etc. FIL responded half-heartedly “we’ll see”. The doctor said “it was nice to meet you Mr. X, but if you’re not willing to take your health seriously I’m not going to waste my time with you. I’ll be seeing you again soon enough.” It was exactly what my FIL needed to clean up his life.
I reminded hubby of this and asked him what the difference was. Hubby cannot control his back going out when he reaches for a screw driver or any of the other million ways someone with chronic back problems has a flare up. But I pointed out that he doesn’t have to go out of his way to do things that he KNOWS will debilitate him. I told him if he could not commit to taking care of himself, I could not support his decision to have a surgery that we both know will end up doing more harm than good… even if it did alleviate the pain temporarily. I don’t want him in pain, but with his current mentality he might just as well pick out his wheel chair right now. He has four bulging disks right now, he has scar tissue from the surgery surrounding the nerves, he’s in a very fragile state. He must accept that and until he does there is nothing anyone can do to help him.
I am so sorry for all of you that have chronic pain or have a loved one with chronic pain.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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