When I have domestic thoughts such as yours I remind myself that, living alone, I will have to work to support myself. Living alone, I will have to do all the housework. The only thing you have here, is the companionship issue and only you can decide whether you are happier/more comfortable with or without your husband or if "true" aloneness would be better.

My husband and I are both slobs We each do what bothers each of us; technically he is supposed to do the dishes and I cook but if he hasn't done the dishes and I want to cook but have no room/the dishes I want are dirty, I do the dishes. Think about what you "want".

Most of our ideas of division of labor and how to "do" chores is based on what we grew up with, what we learned earlier in our lives by doing or example. Sort through and see how much of this-is-the-way-it-must-be-done isn't just an echo from your childhood and a parent teaching you that.

We can only change ourselves. If you don't want to work 50 hours I would cut back some but it sounds like you do want to move up in management and that working that many hours are required to do that. Don't mix up the two, work and home in that way; you don't "have" to work any particular hours but you choose to for what you want for your career. That your husband doesn't work that many hours or make that much money is neither here or there. One can't hold another to one's own ambition or make the leap that because you are/have chosen to work hard, another much choose that too.

Think of the laundry which you don't like but he doesn't mind. Everyone has different likes/dislikes, abilities, interests, drives, etc. I let my husband just be/express his as he likes and he lets me do the same and sometimes he asks me to do something and sometimes I ask him.

Going back to where I began this, I'm in the "opposite" but same place you are; my husband made a lot of money (we're retired), when we were both working, his income was seven times mine (so I sometimes felt "silly" working)! When I wish he'd do more around the house without my asking him I remember that what he learned as a guy growing up was not the same training I had as a girl growing up; my husband learned "dish washing" like your husband learned laundry. Then I pull my clincher argument with myself and think, "I can live well, as I've grown accustomed, with the man I love and who loves me. . . and take out the trash," or, "I can live financially strapped, alone and lonely. . . and take out the trash.".

I just "like" my husband and being with him. Neither he nor I are depressed so he's not that difficult to like being with :-) We have a basic disagreement, like many couples, with how to spend money but, fortunately, I can understand and respect his point of view (so can discuss the subject better than he can because he does not understand/agree with my point of view) so I can adapt to him without feeling bad myself. When we were younger (we've been married 21 years) my understanding of him was not as complete but my realizing that my half of the argument, what I wanted, was mine to solve helped me move forward in my own life and gain self esteem in doing so.

It's hard to live with another! The question though is do we wish to try. If we, personally, wish to try then it becomes a question of how we can best move our own development forward while at the same time helping the other person and the marriage move forward. If we "fail" and no matter what we try the other person and marriage don't move forward, then, perhaps, it is time to leave? But note I said "helping the other person move forward" not "moving the other person forward" The other person has their own direction we cannot know, their own time table, because they are another person, not us. The trick is to observe and discuss with the other person what they want, where they're trying to go, what tools and problems they have/perceive they have and seeing if our tools and characteristics can help them. But first/at the same time, we have to work to understand ourselves and just what our tools and helpful characteristics are. I worked with a woman who became/is a good friend and her sister and the sister was into using staplers as hammers, too lazy/not thinking it necessary to go find a hammer That's what we have to get right.