I'm glad you are working so hard and getting things done despite how uncomfortable and conflicted you feel. Our feelings just let us know what is going on and right now things are "messy" for you. When I don't like my feelings, I ask myself how else I would like to feel under these exact same circumstances (smiling and enjoying myself at a funeral?) and then realize that I'm "on target", feeling what is "appropriate" for the surrounding situation.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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