I have never used my difficult childhood or my parents' failing to excuse myself.....my brother and I have been down this road many times, with him saying something he does is all dad's fault and me saying that while our parents' failings/our dysfunctional upbringing may be the explanation for patterns of thought (and behavior, or mental/emotional issues) it's not really an excuse! I have never used it as an excuse for myself anyway, nor do I blame my parents for my problems now; I'm not angry with them, either. I take responsibility for myself, my mistakes, my actions/emotions...
And I know they did love me & my brother.....but how to show that love and how to teach us to love ourselves they didn't know so well, since they didn't have that knowledge themselves. So what I have for them is an understanding of why they were as they were and a certain compassion...
But still.....I just simply did not realize how deep my own pain was, how deep the roots were, how some of the thought/behavior patterns and coping mechanisms I have now are relics of my childhood......things I did not have help to deal with then and things that are hard to get out now that I've added many more years of unwittingly living in/reinforcing those negative patterns. I also sincerely hope that I can get help now because I want to be able to give my children a stable, secure, happy childhood and not be inadvertently repeating the patterns of my upbringing with them....