I'm in my mid 20's, tall, long dark brown hair, pasty white skin, dark brown eyes; basically I think I'm an overall attractive looking person. I'm finishing my 2nd degree and just applied to grad school. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. The word "boyfriend" sounds so trivial and juvenile after this long. We're a perfect match; I'm laid back & he's high strung (I keep him grounded), I'm forgetful and he remembers everything. Wherever one of us lacks, the other makes up.

I'll call him DB for the remainder of this post. When DB was in his early teens up he was sexually molested by a father like figure. The sexual abuse went on for about 3-4 years. At this point he had graduated high school and was entering college. He started doing drugs and playing music and hanging out with a few bad influences.

When I met him he was in his mid-20's. He gave up the drugs and music and I convinced him to go back to school. DB told his parents and he seeked counseling for awhile. I thought he had accepted what happened and was able to move on. I guess not.

He's in a doctoral program now. We'll be leaving for his residency next year. When we first started dating we were very intimate and he was a very sexual person. We moved into our first apartment together in 07' (we started dating in 05') and things started to get different. We had sex maybe once or twice a month, then every 4-6 weeks, and eventually every other month. I thought it was because he was tired from school and work and studying...I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

We moved into our first house together 2 years ago. Things just went from bad to worse. Sex now happens every few+ months. I have severe asthma that required me to go on high doses of steroids. A major side effect of steroids is weight gain. I gained over 40 pounds. I thought maybe it was because I had gotten thicker and he didn't find me attractive anymore. He assured me this wasn't the case.

I've lost most of the weight and still nothing. I asked him why. Why doesn't he enjoy having sex with me anymore. We've been together a long time, we talked about getting married and yet...we can't share a basic human intimate need. He said he finds sex disgusting. He assured me again it had nothing to do with me and the problem lay with him. I asked him if he masturbated and he said yes, several times a week. I had never felt so hurt or rejected in my 6 years with him. I asked him why he could masturbate and not have a problem with it. He said masturbation is mechanical and sex is emotional.

My heart is absolutely breaking. How can I commit to marry & move out of state with him if he can't give me the only thing I ask for. I never thought I'd be in this situation; I'm with someone I love and care for very much but he has a hard time reciprocating my feelings and needs. He tells me he'll go to the doctor. I've heard that for the last 3 years and not once has he gone. My emotions, self esteem, confidence, and overall emotional well being can't handle it anymore. I don't want to leave him, I really do think we're soul mates but it's becoming more than I can stand.

Suggestions and advice greatly appreciated.