I've lost hope.......



completely.

I don't even know why I was put on this earth. All my friends are so caught up in their own lives to even care about mine. I feel like I'm just a huge burden to them, someone who keeps them from being able to hang out with their boyfriends or their other friends.
And I'm afraid that if I bring this up then they will think I'm just jealous of what they have since all my relationships have been utter failures. The one good relationship I had was a long distance one and the guy had never even seen me before.
I think I broke it off with him because when he got here I don't think he would of liked what he saw.
How could he? I don't even like what I see. Not one part of it.
I walk around and I act like I'm the girl who has everything planned out. And I act like the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I'm too busy but the truth is I doubt anyone would even consider dating me here.
I've tried convincing myself that everything will be better once I get to college; that I will find 'the one' and I will be able to forget everyone here...

I just don't know anymore at this point.
I'm supposed to be experiencing the best year of my life right now and I'm beginning to think it will be the worst. I've NEVER felt this low for this long...

Right now I don't even know why I'm posting this. I think I just need someone to tell...
Thank you for reading this...for listening to me whine and complain...

I used to say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger
but I think its been killing me this whole time
and now I'm just weaker.