(((((Rainbow))))) I read the responses here with some confusion. I can't say I can easily jump into one or the other of the camps. In general, I don't like rigidity, so I like that your T responded with an extra sentence--I like flexibility. But some people who posted write with confidence and expert affect that this is not a good thing in therapy for people with BPD. I really don't know. If I'm feeling confused, perhaps you are too. Reading the diverse responses reminds me of "opening up a can of worms." That can be difficult to manage.

For example, this statement confuses me as I thought attachment (secure) in therapy was a good thing.

This sounds like healthy progress to me.

I think this is deeply honest--I am always impressed so much with your honesty and ability to just tell us.

That sounds very positive.

Rainbow, to me it sounds like you think that 1) there is a lot of positive to your therapy and 2) that you are making progress. I hope you can stick to those positive cognitions and if you have doubts about their veracity, check them with your T at your next session. I think you caused difficulty for yourself today by posting and reading responses at odds with your positive cognitions, and now you are feeling negatively about yourself again. If you feel you are making progress in therapy, and your T does too, could that be enough? Could asking these questions of the board be counterproductive? I don't want to seem like I'm discouraging you from posting, or discouraging people from expressing their opinions on your questions, because anyone here is of course welcome to post as often as they want. So I hope you and others won't misunderstand my comment. I guess questions to ask yourself might be: was it helpful to you to post here today? Did you come to new insights? Learn something helpful?

I know I'm pretty different from you (as you've told me!), but what I would do about the email situation is do a little experiment: try not emailing your T for a week or two and see how you do. It wouldn't be forever or an immutable rule, but just a little experiment. If you feel the need to write to her, you could try journaling (rather than necessarily posting here). That could help break the link between expressing yourself in writing and getting attention (from both T and people here). I think it could be empowering to not write to your T for a week or two and see that yes you can manage and that your well-being is not linked to whether you write to her or not. Then when you go to therapy, you can let the parts that need attention get it from your T to their heart's content. It will feel great! I really do think you could do it! I think it would be important to not view this as punishing yourself, though, but just doing an experiment....