I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want/need from a T, and trying to work out whether I have a T to best meet those needs. After 3 years with current T things are hitting a particularly sticky patch, and although I really hope we can get through this, for the first time since I have been seeing him I am considering looking for a new T.

So it got me thinking about what qualities this new T would need to have that my current T doesnt in order for me to trust and get better. This is what I have come up with so far:

To be able to respond in a way that I know I am understood. For T to understand where my feelings come from and to let me know that she knows (feedback?). Current T does not do that which makes me feel like he doesnt care or understand

To be able tolerate my neediness and attachment issues (current t does this)

To have experience with working with BPD

For it to be ok for me to call/email when I need to (T does)

For T to make suggestions about how to best help me and for T to appear actively involved in helping me to heal. I think current T gave up on that ages ago.

If I end up being admitted again forT to genuinely care whether I come out dead or alive. For T to check on me. And if I do come out for T to ask me how the experience was for me and not to brush it under the carpet and ignote it. (which is what current t did)

To take a more active part at the beginning of sessions to bridge between this session and last and not leave me frantickly trying to find something to say. (even though t does this to stop me from feeling he is taking control. I feel he has gone to other extreme and that he is leaving me on my own. We are discussing this now)

To have a sense of humour.

To be able to help me and want to pull me out of the s*** when i am struggling on my own

The most important one for me is to know that T truly cares (within the boundaries of therapy) and that he has my best interests at heart.

there are probably loads more, but that's what I have come up with so far.

What are the most important qualities you look for in a T or the qualities that your T has?