Everyone deserves to be loved, and you sounds like you ARE loved unconditionally. That's a blessing!

CBT helped me with a lot of the thinking described here. It teaches you to identify thinking that is not rational and counteract it. Perhaps you could try a short-term relationship with a therapist who can help you learn CBT. I did it on my own with the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns. Perhaps that would be a good place for you to start.

There is also an on-line support group here "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" that I encourage you to attend. We learn practical ways of doing what I said above.

Your last post sounds like you are beginning to feel hopeful! Hope is a great motivator!