I never ever thought I would be writing this. I totally believed I'd be attached to my therapist until I 'grew out' of it. But I think we're done.

I've felt utterly disconnected and rejecting since she came back from Christmas four weeks ago. At first she was the same as she had always been, but now it's gone, she's gone, my lovely T is gone, and although I detached before she did, the pain is terrible.

I don't think she was lying when she said she loved me. I believe that she did. But she just couldn't cope with me in the end, anymore than anyone else ever could.

Please, nothing about BPD and manipulation and patterns tonight. I'm already on the very edge. I have worked myself into the ground these last four years battling sui. Tonight it's very hard to understand why.

For those of you who know any DBT skills, I'd appreciate some friendly reminders. I seem to be all out.