n2ngins,

Sounds like serious depression and self-hate have taken a front seat in your life.

I would recommend working with a therapist asap ~ I have been stuck in that state of mind a few times. No, it isn't normal. You are not whining at all. I think it's great that you were honest enough to admit your feelings! Personally, I always become very shameful when these emotions become overwhelming to me.

Leed's experience (listed above) is terrific! Depending upon your level of self-hate, it isn't always easy to realize that you DO have worth. It has taken me a long time to recognize that self-hate is one of my core struggles. I, therefore, try to focus on today. Now. Not yesterday, and not tomarrow. But, make myself feel good now. (There are, of course, effects and consequences ~ depending upon whether we make good or bad decisions.) I try to make good decisions now, which I can get some positive energy from & remind myself of those positive moments (when I am feeling low). I do come back up again ~ which reinforces focusing on the positive.

It takes time. And professional T is a big help in getting through very tough times like these! Wish you the best...