I just wish I knew how to feel numb. To not desire to fall in love during certian times of the month. To not allow people to upset me so much cause of my past. (I was pushed around almost all my life).
I want to be able to just allow any negative thing or thought roll off of me like a water on a ducks back.
I don't know how.
I refuse to put alcohol past my lips cause of mother and her side of the family were all drunks. Mother would drown her pain with the booze.
I don't want to do that.
The only thing I have been doing for almost a year now is sleep. I sleep so much that I have slight bags under my eyes.
I know this is going to sound silly but I wish I could be a computer with no emotion.
My life would have and would be much better is I just did not feel pain nor if I was so sensitive.
Coping with negative things is one of my big weakness's. I learned how to hide from things at an early age.
I am on antidepressants and Xanax for my panic disorder, but I still feel the pain.
I just want to be numb to it all.