Well, I have finally taken the "great leap" and admitted to myself that, well, this pain ain't going to go away on its own, no matter what I do

3 weeks before Xmas I nearly walked out on my family. I took my engagement ring off, threw a tantrum in the car and made my fiance drop me off at the park with a box of tissues. Upon returning home I told him that I was leaving and that I did not want to live anymore because he was making me "depressed" (I am usually a big one for taking responsibility for my OWN feelings. This was very unusual for me, to blame it on another) and besides I had been passively suicidal for months and denied it even though my doctor was worried.

My fiance managed to convince me stay and not make rash decisions (it is a testament to his persuasive nature), and so I stayed for a day and raged around and lashed out, and limped and cried.......and he said "You need help with this pain, babe. It is making you in to someone that you do not like. The pain makes you paranoid (for weeks I accused my family of leaving things around so I would hurt myself trying to clean them up. I believed that they were trying to make me worse). You have fought with this for 6 years. It is time to bring in the big guns, before it destroys you".

And I listened and I learned.....and I am extremely frightened. I got a lot riding on this guy.

He is a psychiatrist and anaesthesiologist and deals specifically in pain management. Next Tuesday is the big day

Wish me luck. I a going to need it.......for the sake of my sanity and the wellness of my family....

Michah