Hello all!

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 about four years ago. I went on lexapro and lamictal, which really helped me for about three years. I also took steps to change my lifestyle at that time, like quitting drinking and getting into yoga and meditation. About a year and a half ago I suffered the loss of a relationship which really devastated me because there were children involved. I also lost my job. Gained a ton of weight. I started drinking again and went of my meds last June.

i also got into a relationship last Feb that was on and off until about three weeks ago, with a guy who is just not a very good person. He treated me horribly, yet I still kept going back and we pretty much just used each other for sex. Not good. He has his own mental issues with depression and anger, and is very selfish. I felt guilty for even being with him, because I feel like I behaved badly too. For the past few days I found myself focusing on him and the relationship, crying constantly, and generally beating myself up for every decision I've ever made in my life. I have always been super critical of myself, and with depression it gets really bad. I feel like I've wasted my life and my potential, but have no desire to achieve anything.

i bit the bullet this morning and called my psychiatrist. I have no money and no insurance, but I am soooooo glad I went. We talked and he suggested that I try some new medication. Winter has always been difficult for me, so I really hope the meds give me the extra kick I need to get back to mental health. I am taking Wellbutrin and Lamictal. I am finally feeling like a human being again and realize that I cannot let myself ignore my mental illness again. I need to accept that I must manage it at all times, and that it takes work.

I don't really know why I posted this. Just wanted to get it off my chest, i guess.