I have found the damage to my self esteem-enormous Not wanting to speak on behalf of my family, but the vibe i want to share is one of 'she's lazy'-we'' have to organize her. I don't have people over much because i'm ashamed about my untidiness. Being in my 40s, it's hard when family come over with bucket and broom yesterday i just politely said 'no'. they had come over early to straighten things up so it felt rude pushing them away. sadly like the 'low' after 'manic spree' in which i've hurt everyone-it's as though i cannot make any decisions for myself and it feels like they 'split' on me and talk about me.
most importantly though i need to appreciate them more-a lot more. it is no-one's obligation to look after an adult child-less when they're in their 70s!

Though i don't think many of them understand what having bipolar, ADHD and the remains of PTSD actually mean for me on a day-to-day basis, it's not their need to either. Except that as my son is growing in to a teenager, i find that if i avoid having them over-it becomes a "what are we going to do with her?"

I must say i sometimes lose faith in the diagnoses, thinking that it is an excuse. If it wasn't for the fact i was on disability support..and that i literally burst into tears whenever i see a huge carving knife... i'd simply say i was a lazy attention-seeking, histrionic ^&*(^%!!.

The medication: dexamphetamine and diazepam-have to be taken 4-6 hrly as i just can't cope and cry (it's clock-work) So i tell family "i'm an addict".

Thank you for the original post. 'apologize for the length of reply. It has really helped to share it with someone. I will now try to cope with leaving the house for the first time in 2-3 days! Peace for listening.