so i get to T late because i was sitting on my couch showing my son how to make hemp neclaces.sorry T son comes first and it was so calming to just sit with him making these that i forgot time
so i get thare late no time to be nervous.she had the e-mail on the desk.she asked if i could reads it to her i wasnt able to so she juststarting talking to me about it asking me what was going on it was so hard.i didnt remember how much really went on i accually stayed in the room with her.i talked about things going on that made me feel so ucky and ashamed.i talked to her about some small thing i did at work thursday that started this whole spiral.what is scary is how much i dont remember about these last few days i kind of remember things that happened but a lot of time gone.i didnt even remember what i wrote in the e-mail.all the days kind of mixed together and i dont remembera lot.so i did tell her i thought about her and made this list about my perfect therapy session(i forgot it at home)she asked me to tell her what was on the list.i was only able to tell her two i was to scared to tell all but i told her i would bring it in next week.if i remember.i really tried hard not to shut down at all and just stay with her for the most part i did at times it was really hard.i accually told her how i just was so out of controle but couldnt tell her about the si.but she didnt get mad at me at all.she did ask about something to do with my past and i totally clamed up but she just moved on.i am so not ready to deal with that.but again she didnt get mad she just talked with me.i was ok.i so wish it could be this way all the time when i go thare.going to write in my jornal about things she said