I'm new here but really needed some outside advice, so thought I would give this a try.
Here is a bit of the problem I am going through, I'm hoping that someone out there has some advice for me because I'm not sure where else to go. My husband and I have been married for 7 years but have been together for 14. We were highschool sweethearts, I was 15 and he was 17 when we first met and we had our first child a year later. Our relationship has always had its ups and downs, don't they all? But this time, I'm not sure we are going to heal, or even should.
We have been having problems for a few years and have both been working on trying to make things better but not really knowing how to at the same time. This led to.... my husband having an affair with a coworker, we both worked for the same company so we both knew her. She was recently seperated from her husband and going through some stuff of her own and they found each other comforting aparently. Now the sex part I can get over, but this affair lasted about 7 months and as we all know, sex leads to feelings. It's the feelings I'm having a VERY hard time letting go of. A short time ago, my husband came to me and spilled the beans, and me being the person I am, I wanted to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, no holds barred painfest. Let me tell ya, I don't know if that was the best decision or not. He told me that he really thought he loved this girl, that he thought he would be happy with her, that he thought life would make sense with her, that he wanted to be with her more then anything, that he thought of her everday.... every peice of truth broke my heart a little more every time he opened his mouth. He had told her he couldn't stand hurting me anymore and she had decided to go back to her own husband. Which he immediatly began to think was a mistake. Now that she is out of the picture, he says he still loves me. Never stopped loving me but that the love had changed over time. We have talked ALOT in the last week. So much that I don't know if I can talk anymore. We are completely indecisive on whether what we have had is worth saving. Whether there is anything left to save. Whether our hearts can be fixed. As I said, the sex I can get over. It's not as devastating as knowing that my husband could fall in love with someone else. I want to save my marriage. God help me, but I do. Is it possible? Is it worth it? I know it will be hard. I am just having a really hard time letting go of anger, rage, disappointment, sorrow, lonliness, and any other emotion out there. I can not stop seeing her. Wondering what they did, where they went, what memories he will carry for life. Everytime a song comes on, I wonder if he is thinking of her. Everyday I wake up, I wonder if he wants to be waking up with her. What if she comes back? I won't survive this pain twice. Can I trust him again? I am so lost.
That's what leads me here. I am a proactive person, and I figure the sooner I can get some advice, the better. Being together for so long, our friends are conflicted on whos side to take because they are not just my friends or his friends, they are our friends, and I don't want to put them in an uncomfortable situation. Has anyone out there been through a similar situation? Can anyone offer some advice other then 'kick him to the curb followed by throwing his stuff on top of him!'? Does anyone know of some good resourses to help a person through this? Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!