Thanks for the support....

This is the calm before the storm....yet I'm not feeling very calm right now. I am upset. About a number of things....

T said he would draw up a letter for me. But he said that since it was not billable through insurance, I would need to pay outside of insurance and that he anticipated it taking about an hour.

Although I understand, I guess I just wasn't expecting - while I was going through this awful, awful time - to have such a business-like response from T - kwim? I didn't get the email until a few hours later, and I told him it was fine and to let me know what the fee is and when to pick up the letter.

He responded saying that since he didn't get my consent, he didn't work on it last night - and that he would try to get it done today but wasn't sure he could.

I then said that I NEED the letter - because I need the letters to help carry the weight that I don't feel strong enough to carry alone. Here I was, expressing a need. Very rarely do I ask for what I need. And here I was, asking for it.

He then responded that because he treated my ex as a client in the past as our marriage counselor, he's pretty sure that it would be a breach in confidentiality - but that he would do some more research when he could....

I responded telling him to forget it then.

I feel so let down. By the business aspect of it all....the lack of empathy that T had through the exchange...I don't know. I guess I just wasn't feeling his support or caring, when I really needed it....

And, my one neighbor who my ex tried to get to sleep with him while we were married, etc. is in the midst of writing her letter...and I haven't heard from her yet. I go to court first thing in the morning, having to leave the house by 7:30 AM. It's 10:15 PM now. UGH.

And my mind is spinning. I am so busy trying to push the emotions that I have - the sadness and longing to want to save my ex from all this - that I can't concentrate on what I need to do at court tomorrow. ACK....

I do know one thing. I need a good night's sleep. I'm freaking out at the idea that I might not wake up to the alarm...What if I get lost? What if I go to the wrong place and miss it? What if the judge asks me all kinds of questions that I won't know how to answer?

ACCCKKKKK!!!!

I just can't wait for this to be all over with. I'm sure a "good luck" message from T would've made my night....but I didn't get that....and I didn't ask for it....but it feels sad that I'd have to ask for something like that. Makes it seem as though he doesn't really care enough to go that extra mile for me....