At times I think about how I am acting. I relive that moment in therapy, and then start laughing hysterically because I KNOW this is stupid! I think about the $$ I am paying and don't want to waste a session. I cannot afford to do that! That may be why I am so upset right now.

I guess she just said the wrong thing at the wrong time! I took half day off work to see her today. I really needed to work through some things. Not trying to be too personal, but we are in the process of losing our home due to my husband losing his job in 2008, spending 4 months in the hospital in 2009, and then months of rehab in 2010.

Unless a miracle comes through (and I do believe that God can stop this foreclosure), my home will be auctioned off on Feb. 3rd. Can you imagine how I feel right now? I stay up all night because I can't sleep. When I lie down to sleep my mind is racing with all the what ifs: "What are we going to do? Where will we live? Will my husband have to go to a nursing home? Is this going to split my family apart?"

I really needed to make a connection with her today. I needed her to help me work through my feelings about this. Why did this happen today? Of all the days I needed her the most, we had to start off like this. I keep telling myself I am NOT going to email her ever again! I am not going to bring my CD player, blanket/pillow, and journal notes ever again. I am going to act like a normal person and sit on the blasted couch!

That is if I ever get the courage to go back! I am not mad at her, I am mad at me. I am angry that I am allowing this to consume me. It has completely taken over my thoughts. I will think about this, over and over and over again until it drives me crazy!!