Part of the reason it may feel like an automatic response is because you aren't on medication. I know you had posted that you didn't like how it made you feel, but it may be worth a try to speak to a pdoc again and discuss your options. Finding the right combo of meds can be very frustrating, but in my experience the effort has been worth it. You don't need to be a slave to this disorder.

Also the book in my signature is written for significant others, family members etc. I think it's excellent for both the person diagnosed and the people in their lives. Your boyfriend may find it useful.