The answers have all been helpful. What I have trouble with is the whole, "three weeks before it gets done" thing. Not right that moment, later that day, or even the next day, I understand. But three weeks? And the typical "I forgot," which means to me exactly what I already said it means. You don't "forget" things that matter. And if a thing matters only to one person, not to the other, then it still matters.

He doesn't give a fig how the furniture is arranged. Walking around a desk taking up space in the hallway is only a momentary inconvenience. He spends more waking hours at his job than he does at home, and that's the center of his life. To him, a house is only a place to store possessions, eat meals, watch TV, and sleep. I stay home, and I'm the one stuck looking at everything. So I'm the one who cares what it looks like. He feels that as long as there is no health hazard involved, merely "functional" would suffice. I'm trying to create beauty. But the big frustration is that I absolutely cannot do it by myself. I can try, but after taking only so much, my body will quit. If I push too hard, I'll end up bedridden.

So I ask for help. And don't get any? That's why I wonder, how is it not a matter of being disrespected?

Well... an answer occurred to me. It could be that, since the house looks fine to him, he doesn't understand that it's not fine to me. He is one of those who thinks, as long as something is in a drawer, on a shelf, or behind a cabinet door, it's put away, regardless of which drawer, shelf, or cabinet, or even if it's the same one every time. As long as the carpet doesn't have piles of cat vomit on it, hair and fluff and lint and dust isn't any big problem. If he has clean uniforms to wear, the trash isn't attracting vermin, the litter boxes are clean enough so that the cats are willing to use them, and there are no dishes in the sink, the house is up to his standards. So he doesn't see what I'm complaining about. If he did as my first husband did--expected me to keep the house starchy clean while he himself reserved the right to be as messy as he wanted to be--told me it's my job to pick up his socks because "that's what a wife is for"--now THAT would be disrespect.