Sweetheart, how old are you? You make me want to cry myself, and I am not a cryer either. I am 59 years old and have suffered from emotional pain since I was 6. Please read my profile. It is self explanatory. I too was a huge disappointment to my parents. I loved them so much and was always the perfect child until my teens. Once I started to assert any independence I found myself in a very similar situation. They never really knew who I was and they wouldn't know me now. I loved them so much. It caused me incredible pain to hurt them although they never realized that. They are both gone now. I lost them almost twenty years ago. I used to pray that I could change and have the same ideas and beliefs as they did. It just didn't happen. I am the same person now that I was then. I have made many terrible mistakes in life. However, being who I am and was, I can not imagine any other outcome at the time. I am so sorry for your pain. If I can help you in any way please send me a private message. Hold on to who you are.