thank you for your response. I liked it because it has given me some light. You are right, I filled my life with things that I thought were important and now that I have accomplished them they have not fill my emotional and spiritual needs, there is an emptyness. I thought those things were important and now I know they really aren't. When I got cancer, I had some very dark days. And I remember thinking that what I needed in my life was being close to Jesus/God like you say, and deepen my relationship with the people I love. I was born in a religion and I have neglected this aspect of my life, but it won't be hard to go back to it. Nevertheless, the people I love is another matter which I am not good at dealing with. I really feel that the people who say they love me, like family for example, can be pretty mean to me. If I tolerate them I end up resenting them, if I comfront them I end up feeling guilty. It's complicated. Anyway thank you for your wise advice.