I was looking forward to it, but had a lot of anxiety about it, too. I felt like my T was being sort of...cold? And it really threw me off. I tried to just talk around it, because I had so much to talk about. In the end, when there were 3 minutes left I said "T, I have 3 minutes left and I don't like how I feel right now. I feel something from you, are you angry with me?"

And she said no, of course. She talked for a couple of minutes about her mixture of emotions and then said "I think, in talking it through right now, I am pissed off at your kids."

I can't even TELL you how validating that was for me. Not just because of the backlash I have seen here from some people who seem to think that children can do no wrong. Way, way bigger than that was the feeling that T really cares about ME. As a person. Not as a mom, not as a client, not as a woman. All of those things, of course, but everything else too. She cares about ME. She said there was this sort of "mama bear" feeling in her, that she can see how hard this has been for me, how much it has taken out of me (this being the transition to having my 4 kids living with me again after 18 mos of living apart).

It felt good, people, I'm not gonna lie. I told T I don't think I've ever had that before, that kind of a protector, and that I appreciate it.

I apologized again for scaring her over the weekend, for causing her to think that I was sui, and I thanked her for sticking with me even when I do crap like that.

We set up our session for next week and she said "I WILL see you again next week, right?" I looked her in the eyes and said yes, I will see you again next week.