Spirit7....I am sorry to hear you are battling not only depression but undue stress from your religious aspect.
You have to treat your depression as if you had diabettes...and medication is needed to live on a daily basis.
Maybe if you looked at it under the medical circumstances of depression being caused in part by a chemical deficiency in your brain, you will be better able to appreciate that God created people to make a medication that would help ease the thoughts that go along w/ depression.