Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiggle328
My thoughts right now are: I am NEVER, EVER going to take anything with me again (that is IF I go back, which you know I will). If I take something, it will be something I put in my pocket that she cannot see.
HHhhhmmm......is there an analogy to that? Am I trying to hold onto the control, but hiding it at the same time? Am I keeping this a secret because I think I am 'getting back at her' by bringing something in there that she doesn't know about? Is this my way of saying, "I'll show you, I am going to do what I want to do and you can't stop me!"
Again, childish games. It is not hurting her one bit for me to do these things, it is hurting me. Stubborn? Controlling? Why does she think that about me? LaDuh! Read my posts and you can plainly see that she is right! Sometimes I hate her......don't we always hate it when the other person is right!
|
I don't know if this is how you'd describe it.....but sometimes I feel like I'm a teenager again, and I'm acting/reacting at times as if I were a 16 year old at home with my parents....I have come to an understanding that this feeling is actually helpful in making me aware of how I have carried within me somehow the deeply imprinted emotional reactions of a sad, scared teenager whenever I am faced with someone who
does have authority/power over me in some ways, and that it's good to deal with it in a controlled environment. It is like a sort of defiance....but it was something I put on growing up as part of my protective armor, a way to have control when much else was out of control. Nonetheless, I find it disconcerting to find myself feeling and reacting like that in session at times!
I mean, my T is only 6 years older than me....and like she said, 'I'm not your mother, and neither do I see you as acting like a childish brat!'